Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
