Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
