The maid of honor just puked.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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