Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
