Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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