It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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