I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
