really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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