i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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