I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
