Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
