Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
