I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
