I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
