It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
