Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
