I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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