I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
send nudes
from the living room?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
