david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
