The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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