When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
