I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
