party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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