used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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