Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
