the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
its not stalking. its research.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
