Where is the hickey?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
