If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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