she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
