i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
