We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize