God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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