She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just had sex on a roof
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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