The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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