apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The beers last night were like the tears from god
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
