i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
