Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
