Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
