Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
