yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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