Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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