apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
