Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
