a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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