Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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