Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
