I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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