if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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