My sheets look like a crime scene.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
