i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
