I'm eating all of the evidence.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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