Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
