they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
