i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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