Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
