You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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