But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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