Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
