About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
This toilet bowl is my home.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
