I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
