Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
