please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
