I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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