I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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