We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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