You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
