You don't have asthma, your pregnant
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
