Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
