Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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