absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
is wine microwaveable?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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