omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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