her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize