Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
