is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
