i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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