Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
