I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
