so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
