I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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