The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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