the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize